Revise that ineffective query letter!

So. I’ve been querying literary agents for a while now. Feels like forever. Mostly, I’ve gotten form rejection after form rejection (or no response at all…yippee). It’s been rough. I’d send out a batch of queries and wait awhile, then send more and keep waiting. No requests. No feedback. No idea what I was doing wrong.

I bought a few books on writing queries and read countless articles online. I gathered and implemented some very useful tips from those sources, but still wasn’t getting anywhere. I began to wonder if my sample chapters were killing me.

One day, a very gracious agent offered me more than just a standard form rejection. Actual feedback. Nothing Earth-shattering, mind you, but enough to help me see the error of my ways. As it turns out, my query and manuscript didn’t quite match up.

See, my original query focused too much on events that happen in the second half of my manuscript. I merely glossed over the first part—effectively making it sound like backstory that doesn’t actually occur IN the novel, even though it does. I have no idea why I did that. I guess I didn’t realize how it would come off.  

The agent told me my sample pages need to start closer to where the query describes the story as beginning. As it was, the query implied the novel “began” halfway through. Cue the “OMG, she’s riiiiiight,” groan.

It also dawned on me that I hadn’t sufficiently set-up the story. Thinking myself a genius, I had revised it to start smack dab in the middle of the action, hoping to grab the reader’s attention. Maybe it did, but starting that way also gave the reader no reason to care about the characters or the consequences of their actions. No sympathy had been established.

So, with the advice that I needed to start closer to the “beginning” of the story, I gave my story a new beginning. I wrote a new first chapter and adjusted the story’s timeline. The past became the present.

Then, I tossed my old query letter out the window and started over from scratch—at the beginning. I also followed query writing advice more closely. In my original letter, I explained my main character’s goal, but only vaguely said what would happen if she didn’t achieve it. In the new letter, I made the “stakes” higher and the goal clearer. My protagonist’s dilemma is now much more imperative.

I sent my new query to a few agents to test the waters, and you know what? So far, I’ve gotten one request. My first request. Obviously, I was excited, but am definitely not holding my breath. I’m well aware that a request doesn’t mean anything (and I'm probably totally jinxing it as I write). Besides, I still haven’t heard from the others, so maybe it was a fluke.

Regardless of the outcome, I now know my old query sucked. Big time. It was a stinker. I’m pretty sure my new query is more along the lines of what I should have been shooting for all along. Too bad it took me this long to figure that out.

Now I’m playing the waiting game. I’m holding off querying more agents until I see if I get any feedback on my sample pages, which would make me so very happy. I sent my original query (the sucky one) to too many agents, meaning I lost my chance with them (for this novel, anyway). I don’t want to make that mistake again. Live and learn, right? 

Is your query letter getting you nowhere? Maybe it needs to go out the window, too!

News Flash! Querying sucks.

I’ve heard many stories of now-successful authors who faced initial rejection. Stephenie Meyer, C.S. Lewis, John Grisham. The list goes on. (And on!) In fact, I think it would be harder to find an author who didn’t get rejected at least once.

The query process is, for most of us, a bitch. I’m pretty sure every agented and non-agented writer out there will agree that getting shot down is no fun. Regardless, that query letter is a necessary, yet evil, stepping stone on our quest for publication.

In my experience, here’s how the process generally works:

Step 1: You finally finish that blasted manuscript. And by finish, I mean you’ve edited the crap out of it, re-wrote entire chapters, and are pretty confident it’s done. DONE.

Step 2: You feel such a weight lifted off your shoulder because, hell-ooooh, you’ve just completed the next best-seller and who wouldn’t want to represent you? You compile a list of agents you just know will fight to the death for the chance to sell your masterpiece.

Step 3: You start drafting a query letter to send out to agents. If you’re new at this, you realize it’s not so easy. How can you summarize your entire story in one page? Much whining and gnashing of teeth ensues. 

Step 4: After days (or weeks?) toiling over this make-or-break letter, you think it’s ready. You immediately send it to your Dream Agent (you know, the one that represents your favorite author?). You’re sure they’ll immediately sign you, so you feel pretty good. You send the letter to a few other agents, just to be safe. Having options never hurt anyone, right? You send them by email, of course, because it’s so easy and who sends actual letters anymore?

Step 5: You wait. 

Step 6: You’re still waiting. Good grief, when will they respond already? Don’t they know you’re dying here?

Step 7: You get a rejection from one of the “other” agents. It’s a form letter basically saying, “Thanks, but no thanks.” There’s no feedback. No advice. No consolation prize.

Step 8: You are dev-a-stat-ed. A little voice emerges and tells you that at least Dream Agent hasn’t rejected you, yet. There’s still hope.

Step 9: You check your outbox and realize it’s been over three months since you sent those queries. No one else ever responded. Not even Dream Agent. You’ve been rejected à la the classic, “Don’t call us, we’ll call you,” method. 

Step 10: You take a good, hard look at your query letter and writing sample and decide to revise and try again.

And you do. Try. And try. And then try some more. Maybe you should've waited to send your letter to Dream Agent, huh?

If you’re only querying by email, there’s a good chance you’ll never hear back. Agents usually state this on their webpages. Most get hundreds, if not thousands, of queries every week, so can we blame them for only replying if interested? Not really. I mean, they have other things to do, you know, like sell books for their existing clients—the luckies who got that golden contract.

There are a few agents, however, who sent me a personal reply and offered me the tiniest tidbits of feedback, which I happily and thankfully gobbled up. It can happen. It’s pretty amazing when it does. The rejection stings a bit less.

Maybe one day you and I will get a request for more pages, but who knows. It’s frustrating and humbling and takes a long, long time. 

I’d love to hear from you. How is your query experience going? Did you find success? What’s your secret?

Thanks for reading!

P.S. Hopefully no one told you this would be “so easy a monkey could do it.” If so, they lied and you should definitely cut them out of your life.

Finally! I know what I want to blog about when I grow up.

Gosh. My last entry was back in June. Kind of embarrassing. I guess I abandoned my blog because I felt it lacked something important: a focus. I was just writing about this and that, snippets from my life that didn’t add up to anything. There’s nothing wrong with that--it is my personal blog, after all. However, I want to get back in the game and to do that, I need a reason to write. I need my blog to be about something.

I thought long and hard about where I could take it. I love movies, but I’m not sure I’m committed to writing up reviews of stuff I see. I’m just a regular gal, so my idea of what a “good” or “bad” movie is may not be appreciated by those who know what they’re talking about. (Though, let's be honest. Opinions on movies are pretty subjective...right?) Regardless, I don’t think that’s the route I should go. Perhaps I’ll include a review here and there, but only time will tell.

Honestly, there’s not much I’m an expert on. I make jewelry as a hobby, but I don’t feel like writing about it. I’m also super slacking on my book reading, so that’s out of the question. Fashion? Sports? Current events? Um, no. I’d be laughed out of the blogosphere.

So, I’ve decided to write about the only thing I feel comfortable writing about: writing. (Did I overuse a particular word in that last sentence?) I’m not claiming to be an expert in the field or that I’m doing something new and ground-breaking--I merely want to share my journey. If nothing else, maybe I can commiserate with others in my situation.

What exactly is my situation, you ask? Well, I have one full-length manuscript under my belt and am involved in the long and harrowing process of querying agents. I’ve also entered the world of screenwriting, and am working on a screenplay as we speak. I don’t know how many people do both, or how feasible it is, but I’d like to try. I don’t want to choose. Am I any good at either? No idea. I’ve also got my stack of Works-In-Progress (or WIPs, as we writers like to say), and I alternate working on those depending on my mood.

So, that’s what I’m gonna do. Reveal a bit about my process and share my trials and--hopefully one day--my successes. Come with me, if you’d like. I’d love to hear your thoughts along the way.

Thanks for reading.

One Time in China, I…was accosted by a strange man.

Before I tell you about a quite unsavory moment of my China Life, let me say that I usually avoid talking to strangers. Yep, just like our mommas taught us. As an adult, does that make me a cold-hearted be-yotch? I don’t think so. I just prefer to keep to myself, and I'm not very trusting. In this day and age, it’s rough out there—especially for a woman. 

That said, when I was in China, I was extra cautious. Mostly because I’d read about scams targeting foreigners. What are these so-called scams I speak of? Well, apparently (and this info is from the Internet, and we know how true that can be…) as a foreigner, you may be approached by a friendly, young local asking if they can practice their English with you for a little while. You—an unsuspecting foreigner—delight in the opportunity to help out and accompany him or her to get coffee or tea at a nearby cafe. When you finish “practicing English” (that wasn’t meant to be a euphemism, I swear), the Chinese person suddenly disappears and an astronomically high check is handed to you. If you protest, two burly bodyguard-types will threaten you and you’ll have no choice but to hand over a pile of your hard-earned yuan. 

How often does this actually happen? I have no idea. But, I wasn’t going to take any chances.

So, the day of my unpleasant experience, I was leaving the subway station on my way home from work, when I was approached by a young man. He started talking to me, asking where I’m going, what am I doing in Shanghai, what’s my name. He told me his name, his age (19) and that he was from South Korea. I gave him short answers and tried my best to give him the impression that I wished he’d bug off. 

Guess what? He didn’t get the hint. When we got outside, he followed me. Seriously creeped out does not begin to describe how I felt. I decided that, to get away from him, I’d go the other way and duck into the Coffee Bean. I told him I was going to get a coffee, knowing he most likely wouldn’t try to accompany me. In response, he put his hand out to shake mine, and reluctantly I accepted. (Big mistake. See what happens when I’m not a cold-hearted be-yotch?)  

Instead of a simple shake, he pulled me toward him for a hug. I pushed him away and vocally protested, but he wouldn’t let go. He then tried to kiss me. On the lips. I’m not kidding. Frantically, I demanded he let me go. Several very long seconds later, I managed to force him away. He didn’t actually kiss me, but got pretty damn close. Humiliated, I rushed into the Coffee Bean, where the other patrons looked away and pretended they didn’t watch the whole thing go down. For once, not staring? Huh? When I left the coffee shop, I was super paranoid the guy was lurking in a corner somewhere, waiting to grab me or follow me home. I high-tailed it out of there, that’s for sure!

I still get grossed out when I think about that experience. Sure, I can laugh (a little!) about it, but mostly I shiver in disgust. I want to know what was going through that guy’s mind. Did he seriously think I would kiss him? I guess he’d watched a few too many Girls Gone Wild videos and thought I’d happily go along with his plot.

Now, before you start thinking Shanghai is a horrible place full of would-be rapists, let me say that this was NOT normal. Nothing else even remotely like this happened to me during the year and a half I lived there. I was definitely a victim of wrong place, wrong time. Sure, guys tried taking my picture and stared at me from time to time, but so did women. And older people. And I never knew what any of them were thinking. Most of the Chinese people I saw on a daily basis avoided me, too. Maybe they were curious, but most never attempted to talk to or touch me (unless they wanted to sell me something). Plus, the guy that did this wasn’t even Chinese. (Note: I have been to South Korea and did not encounter anything but wonderful people there.)

Regardless, if I go back (and I certainly plan to), I will definitely keep my guard up. It’s just common sense.

One Time in China, I…was treated like a celebrity (sort of).

Okay, first things first. I know I'm kind of slacking off on this blog. I was supposed to tell you all these fun little stories about living in China, but...I haven't. So, I'm going to try to do this more frequently, because, let's face it, I've been back in the States for over a year and a half, and it's starting to seem silly to talk about my experiences. But, I must. Now, without further ado, here is my next installment.

I’ve heard stories about foreigners in China being spotted on the street and subsequently getting cast in commercials or print ads. I secretly thought that would be cool and wondered if it would ever happen to me. FYI: It didn’t. But, I did get the chance to feel like I was a wanted celebrity, a few times.

The first occurrence was in Hong Kong. My school gave us Christmas Day off and my husband, Vicente, got the day off too, so we turned our little three-day weekend into a Hong Kong Holiday. It was one of the best I’ve had. Not that I didn’t miss my family, and the whole “Christmas Spirit” crap, but it was nice to spend the holidays somewhere other than the wintry Midwest, for once. As we walked along Victoria Harbour one afternoon, admiring the famous skyline, a woman suddenly grabbed my arm. Thinking she was from one of the nearby vendor booths, I tried to shrug her off. By then, I was used to the pushy salespeople of Shanghai’s markets, so her brazenness wasn’t shocking. She started talking to me and, still tightly holding my arm, pointing to her friend with a camera. I quickly realized she was no vendor. She wanted a picture. With me. I knew she wouldn’t take “no” for an answer, so I looked at the camera and smiled. It was bizarre to think a stranger would want my picture. Of course, she didn’t want a picture with me, per se, but with any random, Western foreigner. I just happened to be there, and she saw her golden opportunity.

The second time I “got papped” was in the gorgeous city of Guilin. Vicente and I were wandering around the popular tourist site, Elephant Trunk Hill, when we noticed a young woman following us. After a little while, she asked if she could take a picture with me. I agreed. This is just a part of my life now, and I must make the people happy, I forced myself to accept. We continued walking around the natural site, and later, ran into the woman again. She wanted more pictures--this time with both me and Vicente. Some other tourists, who I don’t even think were with her, snapped pictures of the three of us, as well.

But, my favorite instance of being photo-stalked occurred in Xi’an. As we walked around the hangar containing the famous Terracotta Army, a guy coming toward us held up his phone like he was trying to focus the camera, and then quickly turned it to snap a picture of my face as he passed by me. I didn’t even realize what the sneaky sneak had done until he was behind us, and I had a, “Hey, wait a second…” moment. Yep, just call me Angelina.

Don’t feel bad for Vicente, though. He got a little “paparazzi” action of his own. While we were at the World Expo, a visitor at the Central American pavilion wanted a picture with him. Not with me, I must add. I guess he was excited a “real, live Latino” was there and wanted to document his lucky run-in. He didn’t seem to know or care that Vicente isn’t even Central American, but whatevs.

I still wonder what those people did with their pictures of us. Are they framed on mantels? Constantly mocked? Uploaded to Facebook? I guess we’ll never know.

May I Have This Dance?

Over the weekend I watched "A Knight's Tale", which I just got on Blue-ray. I'd almost forgotten how much I love it. While watching, I was reminded how much I also love a good dance scene in a movie, so I started thinking about other movies with memorable dance sequences. So, here's my list.

Note: I didn't include any traditional musicals, because that seems like cheating (plus, those dance scenes don't have the same effect for me as these do). I also didn't include any movies with the word "Dance" in the title, or that had dancing as a main plot point. The ones I've chosen are just movies that I love, which happen to contain dance scenes.

1. A Knight's Tale (Duh.)

What can I say? Heath Ledger (may he rest in peace) dancing and skipping and leaping around is just so. damn. cute. Plus, the close-ups of Rufus Sewell brooding help me get through the sadness I feel for Ledger's untimely passing. And we don't even have to mention the greatness of the song choice. This was the best clip I could find:



2. Slumdog Millionaire

So, you were just blown away by an amazing movie. Still high on happily ever after, you now get to watch a Bollywood-style dance scene. Can this movie get any better?!



3. The Thomas Crown Affair (1999)

This scene might make you want to seduce someone while wearing a see-through dress. Wait? It doesn't? Oh good, me neither...



4. The Wedding Planner

I love this scene. We find out that Matthew McConaughey's character is such a cad. J.Lo is shocked. Then, they dance.

Update: The original video (in English) has been removed, so just for fun, here it is in Italian (I think...) 



5. Shakespeare in Love

Ahhh, the way Violet and Will make eye contact...sigh...



6. Frida

I'm kind of obsessed with Frida Kahlo and I love this movie. This scene has some nice girl-on-girl action. Tango action, that is! Get your minds out of the gutter. Gosh. Okay, so it is a little suggestive. And involves a kiss. Fine.



7. Becoming Jane

Poor Jane Austen. She's so bored at the ball. But then, out of nowhere, Tom Lefroy jumps into the dance and her heart soars! I almost can't stand the way they look at each other. So heartbreaking.



8. Not Another Teen Movie

That's right, it made the list. I love this movie, so judge all you want! This particular scene is great, because it makes fun of all the movie dance scenes. So, see? Awesome. Plus, HIMYM fans, check out the fantastic little cameo from Josh Radnor.



9. Pride and Prejudice

I saved the best for last. Darcy and Elizabeth dancing had to make the cut. No way around it. I love both the 1995 and 2005 versions, but since Colin Firth is Mr. Darcy, enjoy his scene.




So, what do you think of my list? Which completely not obvious dance scenes did I miss?

Springfield Bucket List

So, we are packing up and leaving the Midwest--heading east to Pittsburgh, PA. Not to be confused with Pittsburg, KS.

Now that we've got that cleared up, are we excited to move? Uh, try ecstatic! We’ve been wanting to get the heck outta here for awhile now. But, whyyyyyy? you ask. I don’t want to get into all the reasons, because Springfield hasn’t been completely horrible to us. We went to college here. We met good friends here. We had many a fun time here. However, “here” is no longer where we belong. We’ve known for quite awhile that we wanted to live in a bigger city. So, opportunity knocked, and off we go!

That said, there are places in Springfield I am going to miss dearly. I know, I know…I’ll find new things and places to love in Pittsburgh, but I’m sure some things will never be quite the same. So, I’ve made our “Springfield Bucket List”--a collection of all the things I’d like to experience once more before we say buh-bye to the Queen City of the Ozarks. Cause who knows when we’ll be back!

1. “Go see a movie at the Moxie.” Oh, Moxie…how do I love thee? Let me count the ways! The Moxie is one of my favorite places…in the entire world. It’s a great independent cinema located downtown. They get all those foreign and indie films that you’d never get a chance to see on the big screen otherwise. I’ve been a fan since they opened and have seen some really amazing films there. It will be hard to say good-bye. DONE! Saw "Like Crazy".

2. “Eat cupcakes at The Cup.” Best. Cupcakes. In. The. World. ‘Nuff said. DONE. They were delicious!

3. “Eat the shrimp & crab dip at the Mudlounge.” Ahh, the Mudlounge. My favorite bar in Springfield. I just love it. It's fun and funky and has always been smoke-free. And their seafood dip is to DIE FOR. We are always discussing our love for it. DONE!

4. “Eat crab cakes at Brew Co.” So what? I like crab, okay? I’ve sampled the crab cakes at several eateries across Springfield, and these are the best. The BEST!! (At least in Pittsburgh, fresh seafood is not such a rarity, so I’ll be in heaven.) DONE! No longer on the menu...had to cry a little, but got them :)

5. “Eat an ‘Oh My God’ roll at Kai.” It comes to your table on fire. Literally. Plus, Kai is just so chic. Not a lot of places in Springfield are. Besides, I’ll take any excuse to eat sushi. (Side note: I’m so going to miss Sushi-a-Go-Go at Ocean Zen. Half-price rolls. Amazing.) DONE!

6. “Get a Chai Banana smoothie from the Mudhouse.” Another Springfield classic—the Mudhouse. When I was in college, I practically lived there. It was like “Cheers.” You always saw someone you knew. And the Chai Banana smoothie is a keeper. (Though, I’ll probably have to go back to get a coffee, as well. Drat!) DONE! Also stopped by a few days later to grab a Honey Almond Latte, in case you were wondering :)

7. “Go to the Piano Bar.” It’s actually named Ernie Biggs, but does anyone call it that? I always loved that place, but stopped going because it was always unbearably smoky inside. Since Springfield is now smoke-free, I’d like to go back. One last time! DONE!

8. “See the Christmas lights at Cornerstone Church.” We actually live next to this place. We got married there. Every December I say, “I want to go see the Christmas display this year!” and we never go. This year, my friend. This year. DONE! Sadly, it was kind of lame. Totally lame, that is.

9. “Have Imo’s Pizza.” Dear lord, when will I get to eat St. Louis-style pizza again? We rarely eat it as is, but at least it’s always an option. Not for much longer! So, gotta have it before we leave. DONE! That stuff is addictive!

Alright, those are the “must-dos”. I really hope I'm not forgetting something! Sure, there are other “if we have the chance, would like to-dos,” but I won’t mention those. And of course, there are the inevitable “it’s too late to-dos,” like visit the Japanese Stroll Garden, or go to Art Walk one last time.

Well, we don’t have much time left, just a week and a half, so we’ve got to get moving if we’re really going to hit all these places. I'm getting all nostalgic, too. Wish us luck!

Tales from My iPod: Melancholy Edition

I love music. Can’t live without it. I especially like sad music, it would seem. Don’t get me wrong, I like a good party anthem and am heavily into electronic dance (more on that later), but a lot of times, I really just want to hear depressing songs. They somehow validate my feelings, if that makes any sense. Maybe I shouldn’t say depressing, per se, as not all these songs are necessarily “slit-your-wrists” fare, but each does have some sort of sad undertone. These are songs that have been inspiring to me in my writing. My work isn’t all “woe is me”, but I do have a habit of telling stories containing characters going through rough patches. So, here are a few songs that I regularly listen to, which are always good for getting me in the mood…to write.

1. “Undiscovered” by James Morrison. Okay, can I just start by saying how much I love this song? It’s not super duper sad, but it does have a melancholy feel to it. I wish I’d had this song back when I was single, because it would have been my theme. Now, I listen to it as a wannabe novelist and think, well, I’m just undiscovered. Someday, people will notice me. It’s just inspiring, that’s all.

2. “Glass” by Gavin DeGraw. Had to have some Gavin on here. I just love him. Some of his songs are upbeat and fun, and others are kind of “hey, I’m just a lonely guy lookin’ for love”. Though, let’s be honest, he probably doesn't have any trouble in that department. Then again, it’s hard to meet a quality mate, and I doubt he’d consider many of his groupies as girlfriend material. This song speaks to me. From the way I interpret it, it’s about falling in love with someone that just doesn’t love you back. Freakin’ story of my life.

3. “Creep” by Radiohead. You knew this one would be on the list, didn’t you? Of course, Radiohead—the Kings of Melancholy—made the cut. And “Creep”, well, it speaks for itself. When Thom Yorke sings, “I don't care if it hurts/ I want to have control/ I want a perfect body/ I want a perfect soul/ I want you to notice when I'm not around…” I just want to sing right along with him, at the top of my lungs.

4. “Can’t Get You Off My Mind” by Lenny Kravitz. Ah, Lenny. He has a few melancholy songs, for sure. This is one of my favorites. My favorite lyric? “It’s just that I can’t breathe without you/ Feel like I’m gonna lose control.” Sigh.

5. “I Wish I Was a Girl” by Counting Crows. I still like Counting Crows, okay? Judge me if you will, but their music rules. Adam Duritz is so tortured. I relate to him somehow. This is my all-time favorite of their tunes. And not just because my name is in it, okay? For your information, they have a whole song about my name. Another favorite.

6. “Rewind” by Paolo Nutini. Cause we all wish we could turn back the clock, sometimes. Moments that would have been different if you could just go back and re-do them…

7. “The Freshmen” by The Verve Pipe. I love that this song still gets airplay in the radio (at least where I live). It reminds me of high school, because I think I was a sophomore when it came out. It just makes you look back and think about the bad decisions you made when you were younger, and certain regrets you might have.

8. “Coffee Cold” by Margot Wagner. Who??? I know probably anyone reading this has never heard of this singer. That’s okay, she’s not famous. An old roommate of mine turned me on to her. We listened to her first CD so many times, and it never got old. It’s called “Open Blue Sky.” Check it out, if you can find it. This particular song talks of going through hard times. Part of my favorite lyric goes, “...and I wonder why the sun won’t shine for everyone.” Ain’t that the truth? And this isn’t the most melancholy of her repertoire…but it’s one that speaks to me the most.

9. “Smoke Rings in the Dark” by Gary Allan. The only country song I’ll admit to liking. Okay, maybe there are one or two others, but I won’t name them. This song hurts. Bad. It may even be in that “slit-your-wrists” category. I promise, my novel is not anywhere close to this sad.

I don't even think my novel is sad at all. It just has a few parts where the reader might feel sorry for the main character. Or, you know, think she got what she deserved.

Honorable mentions: “6th Avenue Heartache” by The Wallflowers and “What It Takes” by Aerosmith.

Alright, there you have it. Some music that inspires me, as weird as that may be. This list will probably either interest you more in my novel, or it will turn you off from it. Or, (in probably the most likely scenario) you will feel indifferent, because like you’re going to read it anyway.

One Time in China, I…saved a frog’s life.

As promised, here is my first installment of One Time in China, I…

Enjoy!

One Time in China, I…saved a frog’s life.

I’m an animal lover. Big time. Growing up, my family always had pets—many cats, a few dogs, several hamsters, and one big goldfish. My mom has never been an animal person (she tolerates them), but my dad has always had a penchant for feeding stray cats that wandered up to our houses over the years. Even his current dog, that he so adores, was a throwaway. He found the poor thing wandering around near his place of work, and after turning her in to the shelter and no one claiming her, he took her home. So, I guess I get my love for our furry friends from my dad. I just can’t stand to see animals in need or in trouble.

That said, China can be a rough place for animal lovers. You may have heard that they eat dog and cat over there. It’s not a myth. I know dog is more of a winter delicacy. It’s also pricey, from what I understand. Cat as a food, on the other hand, I don’t know much about. I don’t really want to know, either. It was one thing I pushed out of my mind while there, and went out of my way to avoid witnessing. Luckily, in Shanghai you can avoid a lot of things. That’s why I love it there.

However, I could not avoid the live frogs, turtles, fish, and eels available in the grocery store. And I’m not talking about in the pet section either. I had to force myself to turn a blind eye to that. I once saw a live fish flopping around on the floor next to the tank, and no one caring. One day, I was walking to said grocery store to pick up a few things (nothing alive, thank you very much!), when I saw a big, brown frog hopping down the middle of the sidewalk. It was very out of place. I have no idea why it was there, but I wondered if it had escaped from a cage someone had been transporting. I took a deep breath and just kept walking. I can’t help that frog. What would I do for it? I thought the entire way to the store. It made me so mad that a stupid frog could bother me so much, but it did. My favorite children’s books, after all, are the Frog & Toad series, so all I could think of was good old Frog, trying not to eat too many cookies, and agreeing not to look at Toad in his bathing suit.

So, I told myself that if the frog was still there on my way home, I’d figure something out. I’d let destiny take over. I went to the store and got whatever it is I was after that day, and bought an extra plastic sack—just in case. On my way home, sure enough, there was the frog, inches away from hopping into the busy street where it would have been flattened in mere seconds. I quickly opened my extra plastic bag and scooped the frog up into it. A Chinese man approached me after seeing what I’d done, and started asking me something, smiling and pointing at the bag. Are you going to eat that? I imagine he said. Unable to understand or respond, I just smiled and said, “I’m rescuing it.” Yes, I know that was silly and that he didn’t understand, but what else could I say? I carried the frog down the street a little further to a fancy apartment complex with a pond. There was a guard at the gate, but being a foreigner, I strolled right in without even a glance. I went over to the pond and let the frog out of the bag. He immediately claimed his freedom, jumping into the water and swimming away. "Stupid frog," I muttered as I walked away, happy that I didn’t have to worry about him all day long.

I tell you, sometimes loving animals so much feels like a curse.

I’m So Tortured and So Cliché!

I recently saw the movie Limitless, starring Bradley Cooper. In this film he plays Eddie Morra, a struggling writer who discovers a drug that helps him “get stuff done” in record time. (That is the plot in a seriously small nutshell, so I’ll let you head over to IMDb to read more about it.) Bradley Cooper playing a writer? Hell yeah! I was hooked from the get. If I must be honest, I didn’t even know his character was a writer when I bought my second-run theater ticket. In fact, I knew very little about the plot at all. I just knew I was going to get to stare at Bradley Cooper for nearly two hours. That’s all it took. So, I was pleasantly surprised to find out he was playing a writer. 

In the beginning of the film, we see how he’s been struggling to get his book started. He lives in a crappy apartment and wanders aimlessly around New York City looking like he hasn’t showered or laundered his clothing in weeks. At one point, he tries to explain his book’s premise to some guys at a bar, but the effort is lost when he’s unable to convey any sense through his words. Even though he says over and over that he already has a book deal, no one takes him seriously. He’s just some pathetic guy who is “still trying to write.” To me, he is the epitome of a lonely, tortured writer.

I don’t think I have ever related to a male character as much as I did him. Sure, I have identified with female characters in film and TV (pretty sure I am Felicity) over the years, but watching Eddie Morra really made me feel something. I could totally see myself in his shoes. Maybe I’d pay more attention to my personal hygiene, but to have a million ideas swimming through my head and have a hard time writing them down—well, that’s me. Even though I felt connected to him, I still hope I’m never in his situation. Though there is some weird, romantic connotation associated with being a struggling, bohemian writer-type wandering around New York City and acting all artsy and stuff, I can’t say it’s what I desire for myself. (Not that I wouldn’t die to live in NYC, don’t get me wrong!) I’m all about paying my dues, but to be so sad and lonely all the time—that’s not really something to be excited about. What is it with writers being so damn depressed all the time? 

I believe I am naturally inclined to write, because I am overly sensitive. But am I always depressed? Maybe not in the “clinical” sense, but I do have a dark cloud over my head at times. My emotions control me. I notice miniscule slights that perhaps others would overlook. I often feel like no one understands me. I’m neurotic. And introverted. Socially awkward? You bet. I know, I’m just so tortured, right? I feel weird telling you all this stuff. But, it’s true. Lately, I’ve realized how much I have closed myself off—not letting many people get to know me. Why I am that way is another story, and I doubt I’ll change anytime soon, but it does feel good to confess. Maybe I am Eddie Morra after all. Minus the drugs, of course. Wow, how totally Psych 101 was all that crap?

So, what did Limitless do for me? Well, in a strange way, it inspired me to get off my lazy arse and start writing. For reals. Yes, I am trying to write a novel, but that’s all I will say. I can sit here and hope that the words in my head will magically appear on screen, perfect and ready for best seller-dom, but we all know how that will turn out for me. Like many writers, I alternate between thinking my work is brilliant, and thinking it’s the worst rubbish that’s ever been typed into Word. Which is it? I guess we’ll all find out someday when my book is on the New York Times “Best Sellers” list. Or isn’t. 

Alright, short story long, watch Limitless. It’s amazing. Thought provoking, even. Ladies (and some gents), you won’t be disappointed. And hey, you other gents will like it too. You’ll sooo wish you could be Eddie Morra. I promise.

I Miss My Life Less Ordinary

So, I’ve been thinking about China a lot lately. If you don’t know me, you are probably wondering why I would be thinking about China. I get it, it’s a little random. Am I thinking deep thoughts about government censorship, or the current value of the Chinese Yuan against the U.S. Dollar? Nope. Not even close. I’m thinking about crowded subway cars, chopsticks, and Jasmine tea. China is on my mind because my husband and I spent 18 months living in Shanghai. Population of around 20,000,000. Yes, that is the correct number of zeros. I miss it. A LOT. In fact, I’m desperate to go back.

If you are a fan of CBS’ “The Amazing Race”, like I am, you might remember the show’s trip to Shanghai a couple of seasons back. With my firsthand experience of living as a foreigner in that larger-than-life metropolis, I can say that the city—and language barrier—was accurately documented on the reality show competition. The editors did an excellent job of showing how hard it can be to communicate with the locals—if your only language is English, that is. Seeing the teams run around in places I commuted through every day was pretty cool. This past season, the show went to China again, but not to Shanghai. Either way, it made me “home sick” for my China life.

I could list the specific things that I miss (the best vegetarian restaurant on the planet, the ease of public transportation, the good quality of life afforded at a lower price), as well as the things I don’t miss (the constant staring and mocking foreigners endure, mysterious wet spots on every section of the sidewalk, the push-or-be-pushed attitude one must adopt to use said public transportation), but I won’t (well, besides those things I listed after saying I wouldn’t list them). I’ll just say I miss being there and the feeling it gave me. Could I be more vague? Probably not, so let me try to explain.

There is just something I felt inside when I walked down the street, passing Chinese shops and Starbucks, and trying to avoid getting run over by motor scooters (yes, ON the sidewalks), that I just don’t get in Springfield, Missouri. Okay, maybe I’m not doing a very good job of explaining this. I guess it has something to do with escaping from a life I had deemed “normal” and boring. Every day was a new experience full of surprises and discoveries. In Springfield, the most excitement we’re likely to get is a new store at the mall. In Shanghai though, there is so much to explore. So many visual stimulants. I look back on my time there with such fondness, and I’m dying to have that feeling of wonder and escape once again. There’s truly nothing like stepping out onto a crowded sidewalk, looking in both directions (mostly for motor scooters), and knowing that no matter which way you go, something unexpected awaits you.

So, will I go back? Well, my husband and I talk about it ALL the time. Many of our conversations about our future include the following six words: “Let’s just go back to China.” I miss traveling around. We got to see so many things during our stay, such as the Great Wall, the Terracotta Warriors of Xi'an, and the famous Karst formations of Guilin. Life was just easier there. Was it always perfect? No. But, that’s part of the fun. I’ve told myself, if I go back, I have to put effort into learning some Mandarin. It’s pretty essential. I got by for a year and a half without it, but it was no “mooncake” walk. I hated it when locals would talk to me and I’d have no option but to just shrug my shoulders, shake my head and be the "silly foreigner,” so clueless and ignorant. It’s pretty darn humbling, that’s for sure. But ah, to be that clueless foreigner again, I’d do just about anything.

So, on that note, I’m going to start randomly throwing out anecdotes from my time in Shanghai. I really regret not blogging while I was there, so I’m going to do it retroactively. The first is coming soon!