Revise that ineffective query letter!

So. I’ve been querying literary agents for a while now. Feels like forever. Mostly, I’ve gotten form rejection after form rejection (or no response at all…yippee). It’s been rough. I’d send out a batch of queries and wait awhile, then send more and keep waiting. No requests. No feedback. No idea what I was doing wrong.

I bought a few books on writing queries and read countless articles online. I gathered and implemented some very useful tips from those sources, but still wasn’t getting anywhere. I began to wonder if my sample chapters were killing me.

One day, a very gracious agent offered me more than just a standard form rejection. Actual feedback. Nothing Earth-shattering, mind you, but enough to help me see the error of my ways. As it turns out, my query and manuscript didn’t quite match up.

See, my original query focused too much on events that happen in the second half of my manuscript. I merely glossed over the first part—effectively making it sound like backstory that doesn’t actually occur IN the novel, even though it does. I have no idea why I did that. I guess I didn’t realize how it would come off.  

The agent told me my sample pages need to start closer to where the query describes the story as beginning. As it was, the query implied the novel “began” halfway through. Cue the “OMG, she’s riiiiiight,” groan.

It also dawned on me that I hadn’t sufficiently set-up the story. Thinking myself a genius, I had revised it to start smack dab in the middle of the action, hoping to grab the reader’s attention. Maybe it did, but starting that way also gave the reader no reason to care about the characters or the consequences of their actions. No sympathy had been established.

So, with the advice that I needed to start closer to the “beginning” of the story, I gave my story a new beginning. I wrote a new first chapter and adjusted the story’s timeline. The past became the present.

Then, I tossed my old query letter out the window and started over from scratch—at the beginning. I also followed query writing advice more closely. In my original letter, I explained my main character’s goal, but only vaguely said what would happen if she didn’t achieve it. In the new letter, I made the “stakes” higher and the goal clearer. My protagonist’s dilemma is now much more imperative.

I sent my new query to a few agents to test the waters, and you know what? So far, I’ve gotten one request. My first request. Obviously, I was excited, but am definitely not holding my breath. I’m well aware that a request doesn’t mean anything (and I'm probably totally jinxing it as I write). Besides, I still haven’t heard from the others, so maybe it was a fluke.

Regardless of the outcome, I now know my old query sucked. Big time. It was a stinker. I’m pretty sure my new query is more along the lines of what I should have been shooting for all along. Too bad it took me this long to figure that out.

Now I’m playing the waiting game. I’m holding off querying more agents until I see if I get any feedback on my sample pages, which would make me so very happy. I sent my original query (the sucky one) to too many agents, meaning I lost my chance with them (for this novel, anyway). I don’t want to make that mistake again. Live and learn, right? 

Is your query letter getting you nowhere? Maybe it needs to go out the window, too!

News Flash! Querying sucks.

I’ve heard many stories of now-successful authors who faced initial rejection. Stephenie Meyer, C.S. Lewis, John Grisham. The list goes on. (And on!) In fact, I think it would be harder to find an author who didn’t get rejected at least once.

The query process is, for most of us, a bitch. I’m pretty sure every agented and non-agented writer out there will agree that getting shot down is no fun. Regardless, that query letter is a necessary, yet evil, stepping stone on our quest for publication.

In my experience, here’s how the process generally works:

Step 1: You finally finish that blasted manuscript. And by finish, I mean you’ve edited the crap out of it, re-wrote entire chapters, and are pretty confident it’s done. DONE.

Step 2: You feel such a weight lifted off your shoulder because, hell-ooooh, you’ve just completed the next best-seller and who wouldn’t want to represent you? You compile a list of agents you just know will fight to the death for the chance to sell your masterpiece.

Step 3: You start drafting a query letter to send out to agents. If you’re new at this, you realize it’s not so easy. How can you summarize your entire story in one page? Much whining and gnashing of teeth ensues. 

Step 4: After days (or weeks?) toiling over this make-or-break letter, you think it’s ready. You immediately send it to your Dream Agent (you know, the one that represents your favorite author?). You’re sure they’ll immediately sign you, so you feel pretty good. You send the letter to a few other agents, just to be safe. Having options never hurt anyone, right? You send them by email, of course, because it’s so easy and who sends actual letters anymore?

Step 5: You wait. 

Step 6: You’re still waiting. Good grief, when will they respond already? Don’t they know you’re dying here?

Step 7: You get a rejection from one of the “other” agents. It’s a form letter basically saying, “Thanks, but no thanks.” There’s no feedback. No advice. No consolation prize.

Step 8: You are dev-a-stat-ed. A little voice emerges and tells you that at least Dream Agent hasn’t rejected you, yet. There’s still hope.

Step 9: You check your outbox and realize it’s been over three months since you sent those queries. No one else ever responded. Not even Dream Agent. You’ve been rejected à la the classic, “Don’t call us, we’ll call you,” method. 

Step 10: You take a good, hard look at your query letter and writing sample and decide to revise and try again.

And you do. Try. And try. And then try some more. Maybe you should've waited to send your letter to Dream Agent, huh?

If you’re only querying by email, there’s a good chance you’ll never hear back. Agents usually state this on their webpages. Most get hundreds, if not thousands, of queries every week, so can we blame them for only replying if interested? Not really. I mean, they have other things to do, you know, like sell books for their existing clients—the luckies who got that golden contract.

There are a few agents, however, who sent me a personal reply and offered me the tiniest tidbits of feedback, which I happily and thankfully gobbled up. It can happen. It’s pretty amazing when it does. The rejection stings a bit less.

Maybe one day you and I will get a request for more pages, but who knows. It’s frustrating and humbling and takes a long, long time. 

I’d love to hear from you. How is your query experience going? Did you find success? What’s your secret?

Thanks for reading!

P.S. Hopefully no one told you this would be “so easy a monkey could do it.” If so, they lied and you should definitely cut them out of your life.

Finally! I know what I want to blog about when I grow up.

Gosh. My last entry was back in June. Kind of embarrassing. I guess I abandoned my blog because I felt it lacked something important: a focus. I was just writing about this and that, snippets from my life that didn’t add up to anything. There’s nothing wrong with that--it is my personal blog, after all. However, I want to get back in the game and to do that, I need a reason to write. I need my blog to be about something.

I thought long and hard about where I could take it. I love movies, but I’m not sure I’m committed to writing up reviews of stuff I see. I’m just a regular gal, so my idea of what a “good” or “bad” movie is may not be appreciated by those who know what they’re talking about. (Though, let's be honest. Opinions on movies are pretty subjective...right?) Regardless, I don’t think that’s the route I should go. Perhaps I’ll include a review here and there, but only time will tell.

Honestly, there’s not much I’m an expert on. I make jewelry as a hobby, but I don’t feel like writing about it. I’m also super slacking on my book reading, so that’s out of the question. Fashion? Sports? Current events? Um, no. I’d be laughed out of the blogosphere.

So, I’ve decided to write about the only thing I feel comfortable writing about: writing. (Did I overuse a particular word in that last sentence?) I’m not claiming to be an expert in the field or that I’m doing something new and ground-breaking--I merely want to share my journey. If nothing else, maybe I can commiserate with others in my situation.

What exactly is my situation, you ask? Well, I have one full-length manuscript under my belt and am involved in the long and harrowing process of querying agents. I’ve also entered the world of screenwriting, and am working on a screenplay as we speak. I don’t know how many people do both, or how feasible it is, but I’d like to try. I don’t want to choose. Am I any good at either? No idea. I’ve also got my stack of Works-In-Progress (or WIPs, as we writers like to say), and I alternate working on those depending on my mood.

So, that’s what I’m gonna do. Reveal a bit about my process and share my trials and--hopefully one day--my successes. Come with me, if you’d like. I’d love to hear your thoughts along the way.

Thanks for reading.

One Time in China, I…was accosted by a strange man.

Before I tell you about a quite unsavory moment of my China Life, let me say that I usually avoid talking to strangers. Yep, just like our mommas taught us. As an adult, does that make me a cold-hearted be-yotch? I don’t think so. I just prefer to keep to myself, and I'm not very trusting. In this day and age, it’s rough out there—especially for a woman. 

That said, when I was in China, I was extra cautious. Mostly because I’d read about scams targeting foreigners. What are these so-called scams I speak of? Well, apparently (and this info is from the Internet, and we know how true that can be…) as a foreigner, you may be approached by a friendly, young local asking if they can practice their English with you for a little while. You—an unsuspecting foreigner—delight in the opportunity to help out and accompany him or her to get coffee or tea at a nearby cafe. When you finish “practicing English” (that wasn’t meant to be a euphemism, I swear), the Chinese person suddenly disappears and an astronomically high check is handed to you. If you protest, two burly bodyguard-types will threaten you and you’ll have no choice but to hand over a pile of your hard-earned yuan. 

How often does this actually happen? I have no idea. But, I wasn’t going to take any chances.

So, the day of my unpleasant experience, I was leaving the subway station on my way home from work, when I was approached by a young man. He started talking to me, asking where I’m going, what am I doing in Shanghai, what’s my name. He told me his name, his age (19) and that he was from South Korea. I gave him short answers and tried my best to give him the impression that I wished he’d bug off. 

Guess what? He didn’t get the hint. When we got outside, he followed me. Seriously creeped out does not begin to describe how I felt. I decided that, to get away from him, I’d go the other way and duck into the Coffee Bean. I told him I was going to get a coffee, knowing he most likely wouldn’t try to accompany me. In response, he put his hand out to shake mine, and reluctantly I accepted. (Big mistake. See what happens when I’m not a cold-hearted be-yotch?)  

Instead of a simple shake, he pulled me toward him for a hug. I pushed him away and vocally protested, but he wouldn’t let go. He then tried to kiss me. On the lips. I’m not kidding. Frantically, I demanded he let me go. Several very long seconds later, I managed to force him away. He didn’t actually kiss me, but got pretty damn close. Humiliated, I rushed into the Coffee Bean, where the other patrons looked away and pretended they didn’t watch the whole thing go down. For once, not staring? Huh? When I left the coffee shop, I was super paranoid the guy was lurking in a corner somewhere, waiting to grab me or follow me home. I high-tailed it out of there, that’s for sure!

I still get grossed out when I think about that experience. Sure, I can laugh (a little!) about it, but mostly I shiver in disgust. I want to know what was going through that guy’s mind. Did he seriously think I would kiss him? I guess he’d watched a few too many Girls Gone Wild videos and thought I’d happily go along with his plot.

Now, before you start thinking Shanghai is a horrible place full of would-be rapists, let me say that this was NOT normal. Nothing else even remotely like this happened to me during the year and a half I lived there. I was definitely a victim of wrong place, wrong time. Sure, guys tried taking my picture and stared at me from time to time, but so did women. And older people. And I never knew what any of them were thinking. Most of the Chinese people I saw on a daily basis avoided me, too. Maybe they were curious, but most never attempted to talk to or touch me (unless they wanted to sell me something). Plus, the guy that did this wasn’t even Chinese. (Note: I have been to South Korea and did not encounter anything but wonderful people there.)

Regardless, if I go back (and I certainly plan to), I will definitely keep my guard up. It’s just common sense.

One Time in China, I…was treated like a celebrity (sort of).

Okay, first things first. I know I'm kind of slacking off on this blog. I was supposed to tell you all these fun little stories about living in China, but...I haven't. So, I'm going to try to do this more frequently, because, let's face it, I've been back in the States for over a year and a half, and it's starting to seem silly to talk about my experiences. But, I must. Now, without further ado, here is my next installment.

I’ve heard stories about foreigners in China being spotted on the street and subsequently getting cast in commercials or print ads. I secretly thought that would be cool and wondered if it would ever happen to me. FYI: It didn’t. But, I did get the chance to feel like I was a wanted celebrity, a few times.

The first occurrence was in Hong Kong. My school gave us Christmas Day off and my husband, Vicente, got the day off too, so we turned our little three-day weekend into a Hong Kong Holiday. It was one of the best I’ve had. Not that I didn’t miss my family, and the whole “Christmas Spirit” crap, but it was nice to spend the holidays somewhere other than the wintry Midwest, for once. As we walked along Victoria Harbour one afternoon, admiring the famous skyline, a woman suddenly grabbed my arm. Thinking she was from one of the nearby vendor booths, I tried to shrug her off. By then, I was used to the pushy salespeople of Shanghai’s markets, so her brazenness wasn’t shocking. She started talking to me and, still tightly holding my arm, pointing to her friend with a camera. I quickly realized she was no vendor. She wanted a picture. With me. I knew she wouldn’t take “no” for an answer, so I looked at the camera and smiled. It was bizarre to think a stranger would want my picture. Of course, she didn’t want a picture with me, per se, but with any random, Western foreigner. I just happened to be there, and she saw her golden opportunity.

The second time I “got papped” was in the gorgeous city of Guilin. Vicente and I were wandering around the popular tourist site, Elephant Trunk Hill, when we noticed a young woman following us. After a little while, she asked if she could take a picture with me. I agreed. This is just a part of my life now, and I must make the people happy, I forced myself to accept. We continued walking around the natural site, and later, ran into the woman again. She wanted more pictures--this time with both me and Vicente. Some other tourists, who I don’t even think were with her, snapped pictures of the three of us, as well.

But, my favorite instance of being photo-stalked occurred in Xi’an. As we walked around the hangar containing the famous Terracotta Army, a guy coming toward us held up his phone like he was trying to focus the camera, and then quickly turned it to snap a picture of my face as he passed by me. I didn’t even realize what the sneaky sneak had done until he was behind us, and I had a, “Hey, wait a second…” moment. Yep, just call me Angelina.

Don’t feel bad for Vicente, though. He got a little “paparazzi” action of his own. While we were at the World Expo, a visitor at the Central American pavilion wanted a picture with him. Not with me, I must add. I guess he was excited a “real, live Latino” was there and wanted to document his lucky run-in. He didn’t seem to know or care that Vicente isn’t even Central American, but whatevs.

I still wonder what those people did with their pictures of us. Are they framed on mantels? Constantly mocked? Uploaded to Facebook? I guess we’ll never know.

May I Have This Dance?

Over the weekend I watched "A Knight's Tale", which I just got on Blue-ray. I'd almost forgotten how much I love it. While watching, I was reminded how much I also love a good dance scene in a movie, so I started thinking about other movies with memorable dance sequences. So, here's my list.

Note: I didn't include any traditional musicals, because that seems like cheating (plus, those dance scenes don't have the same effect for me as these do). I also didn't include any movies with the word "Dance" in the title, or that had dancing as a main plot point. The ones I've chosen are just movies that I love, which happen to contain dance scenes.

1. A Knight's Tale (Duh.)

What can I say? Heath Ledger (may he rest in peace) dancing and skipping and leaping around is just so. damn. cute. Plus, the close-ups of Rufus Sewell brooding help me get through the sadness I feel for Ledger's untimely passing. And we don't even have to mention the greatness of the song choice. This was the best clip I could find:



2. Slumdog Millionaire

So, you were just blown away by an amazing movie. Still high on happily ever after, you now get to watch a Bollywood-style dance scene. Can this movie get any better?!



3. The Thomas Crown Affair (1999)

This scene might make you want to seduce someone while wearing a see-through dress. Wait? It doesn't? Oh good, me neither...



4. The Wedding Planner

I love this scene. We find out that Matthew McConaughey's character is such a cad. J.Lo is shocked. Then, they dance.

Update: The original video (in English) has been removed, so just for fun, here it is in Italian (I think...) 



5. Shakespeare in Love

Ahhh, the way Violet and Will make eye contact...sigh...



6. Frida

I'm kind of obsessed with Frida Kahlo and I love this movie. This scene has some nice girl-on-girl action. Tango action, that is! Get your minds out of the gutter. Gosh. Okay, so it is a little suggestive. And involves a kiss. Fine.



7. Becoming Jane

Poor Jane Austen. She's so bored at the ball. But then, out of nowhere, Tom Lefroy jumps into the dance and her heart soars! I almost can't stand the way they look at each other. So heartbreaking.



8. Not Another Teen Movie

That's right, it made the list. I love this movie, so judge all you want! This particular scene is great, because it makes fun of all the movie dance scenes. So, see? Awesome. Plus, HIMYM fans, check out the fantastic little cameo from Josh Radnor.



9. Pride and Prejudice

I saved the best for last. Darcy and Elizabeth dancing had to make the cut. No way around it. I love both the 1995 and 2005 versions, but since Colin Firth is Mr. Darcy, enjoy his scene.




So, what do you think of my list? Which completely not obvious dance scenes did I miss?

Springfield Bucket List

So, we are packing up and leaving the Midwest--heading east to Pittsburgh, PA. Not to be confused with Pittsburg, KS.

Now that we've got that cleared up, are we excited to move? Uh, try ecstatic! We’ve been wanting to get the heck outta here for awhile now. But, whyyyyyy? you ask. I don’t want to get into all the reasons, because Springfield hasn’t been completely horrible to us. We went to college here. We met good friends here. We had many a fun time here. However, “here” is no longer where we belong. We’ve known for quite awhile that we wanted to live in a bigger city. So, opportunity knocked, and off we go!

That said, there are places in Springfield I am going to miss dearly. I know, I know…I’ll find new things and places to love in Pittsburgh, but I’m sure some things will never be quite the same. So, I’ve made our “Springfield Bucket List”--a collection of all the things I’d like to experience once more before we say buh-bye to the Queen City of the Ozarks. Cause who knows when we’ll be back!

1. “Go see a movie at the Moxie.” Oh, Moxie…how do I love thee? Let me count the ways! The Moxie is one of my favorite places…in the entire world. It’s a great independent cinema located downtown. They get all those foreign and indie films that you’d never get a chance to see on the big screen otherwise. I’ve been a fan since they opened and have seen some really amazing films there. It will be hard to say good-bye. DONE! Saw "Like Crazy".

2. “Eat cupcakes at The Cup.” Best. Cupcakes. In. The. World. ‘Nuff said. DONE. They were delicious!

3. “Eat the shrimp & crab dip at the Mudlounge.” Ahh, the Mudlounge. My favorite bar in Springfield. I just love it. It's fun and funky and has always been smoke-free. And their seafood dip is to DIE FOR. We are always discussing our love for it. DONE!

4. “Eat crab cakes at Brew Co.” So what? I like crab, okay? I’ve sampled the crab cakes at several eateries across Springfield, and these are the best. The BEST!! (At least in Pittsburgh, fresh seafood is not such a rarity, so I’ll be in heaven.) DONE! No longer on the menu...had to cry a little, but got them :)

5. “Eat an ‘Oh My God’ roll at Kai.” It comes to your table on fire. Literally. Plus, Kai is just so chic. Not a lot of places in Springfield are. Besides, I’ll take any excuse to eat sushi. (Side note: I’m so going to miss Sushi-a-Go-Go at Ocean Zen. Half-price rolls. Amazing.) DONE!

6. “Get a Chai Banana smoothie from the Mudhouse.” Another Springfield classic—the Mudhouse. When I was in college, I practically lived there. It was like “Cheers.” You always saw someone you knew. And the Chai Banana smoothie is a keeper. (Though, I’ll probably have to go back to get a coffee, as well. Drat!) DONE! Also stopped by a few days later to grab a Honey Almond Latte, in case you were wondering :)

7. “Go to the Piano Bar.” It’s actually named Ernie Biggs, but does anyone call it that? I always loved that place, but stopped going because it was always unbearably smoky inside. Since Springfield is now smoke-free, I’d like to go back. One last time! DONE!

8. “See the Christmas lights at Cornerstone Church.” We actually live next to this place. We got married there. Every December I say, “I want to go see the Christmas display this year!” and we never go. This year, my friend. This year. DONE! Sadly, it was kind of lame. Totally lame, that is.

9. “Have Imo’s Pizza.” Dear lord, when will I get to eat St. Louis-style pizza again? We rarely eat it as is, but at least it’s always an option. Not for much longer! So, gotta have it before we leave. DONE! That stuff is addictive!

Alright, those are the “must-dos”. I really hope I'm not forgetting something! Sure, there are other “if we have the chance, would like to-dos,” but I won’t mention those. And of course, there are the inevitable “it’s too late to-dos,” like visit the Japanese Stroll Garden, or go to Art Walk one last time.

Well, we don’t have much time left, just a week and a half, so we’ve got to get moving if we’re really going to hit all these places. I'm getting all nostalgic, too. Wish us luck!